When They Go Low, We Go High
Michelle Obama once said: “When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. Our motto is, when they go low, we go high.”
I love that line. I try to live by it not always successfully but when I do manage it, I come away feeling much better than when I don’t.
I’ve been fortunate to avoid truly toxic environments, but there was one workplace where I found myself reaching for my own version of that motto. Dwelling on the culture would only corrode my wellbeing, so I decided to respond with something better: kinder, more generous, more aligned with the person I wanted to be. It worked I protected my integrity and didn’t let that culture eat away at me.
This is something I often explore in coaching: a values-led response. When one client realised a difficult relational issue could be solved in a way that aligned with her values, she lit up. It was harder, but it gave her courage, clarity, and growth.
Importantly, “going high” doesn’t mean being a doormat. Boundaries matter. In that workplace, I didn’t stay close to people whose behaviour I felt was damaging, but I refused to let dysfunction hijack my values.
When we’re under pressure, it’s easy to slip into survival mode. We lose touch with kindness, curiosity, honesty, courage, dignity whatever values anchor us. We risk becoming reactive, diminished versions of ourselves.
One of my family mottos is: “This is where we are now.” When plans derail or life takes a turn, it’s possible to acknowledge, reset, and recalibrate. That’s resilience.
Psychology echoes this in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which encourages us to act in line with our values even in discomfort. Research shows this builds resilience and long-term wellbeing. Positive emotions don’t just lift our mood, they help regulate stress and broaden our thinking. They literally undo some of the physical effects of pressure.
It can be the hardest thing in the world to choose generosity or humour over bitterness. I fail often. But when I pause, breathe, and remind myself: “This is who I am, and this is where I am now,” I can meet the next moment in a healthier way. Better for me, better for those around me and just better generally.
